I need to write you out
I feel it in my bones
the way I used to feel you 
move inside me
sighing into 
my moans
but words are stuck
inside my pen
& dying to get out
like a butterfly
they’re trapped inside
my ribcage, 
wings crushed
ramming against 
walls of
my goddamn
self-preservation
& self-doubt.
color falls
off the wings
transparent
& settles on my soul 
like a blanket
you gave my hurt
a place to cling
but when it grew 
too heavy
you took my wings
& without you
I’m trapped inside
this prison I call
my mind
funny how your flesh
set me free
by invading mine
& you being gone
has also somehow
taken me from me
& I think
I think
I think
I’ll never fly again
I always 
gave you release
but I’m my own prison
& you’ve swallowed 
the key
can I use my words
to cut you open
as deep as you cut me?
to unlock my emotion
& find recovery?
you’re just a ghost
so good at haunting
quick to disappear
until I’m left  
clinging onto nothing
filled up with your color
trembling fingers
trembling lips
I can’t be emptied, 
filled, or healed
the simple memory 
of your hips
is now my only lullaby
I rock myself to sleep
sweating
singing

goodbye
goodbye.