I wake up alone
and I roll to my side
realizing you're gone

I let myself cry
and I lie awake
and I realize
my nightmares: once calmed
by you and only you
now caused
by you and only you.

Images of you
are the absolute worst
waking in a cold sweat
seeing you with her.

I watch her in flashes
where I used to be

I see the look in your eyes
once only for me
and I watch her unfold

I wish I couldn’t’ see
you moving forward
but what I don't perceive:
you giving up
her leaving your side
she's not strong enough
against your pain and pride
and that space in your heart
only I could take
but when you reach for me

I'll long since be awake
leaving you in my nightmares

I’ll open my fists
‘til you don’t dare appear there

I’ll let go of this
aching and pacing
and pictures of her
I’ll choose to forget
‘til your face is a blur
then one day, entirely
you’ll disappear

and in the dead of the night

I’ll stop wanting you here.

            (a.s.)