Stark, naked, empty trees
devoid of life, of birds and leaves
a portrait painted perfectly 
by nature's bitter hand itself 

He left me just at summer's end 
before the changing leaves began
a bright display of color in 
a shade of pain I know too well

And in that mess I tried to hold
like dying leaves against the cold
onto the things of him I'd told 
myself would change eventually 

But one by one my dreams fell, dead 
into dark corners of my head 
where eager feet of hopeless tread 
upon them all too suddenly 

And just like that, on autumn's heels  
winter blew in and made me feel 
alone, and left my spirit chilled
afraid to fight against the cold  

Until sweet something in the air 
singing softly through branches bare
whispering, promising to care 
a love gentle, promising, bold 

Never could I have been ready 
like snow you're falling; quiet, heavy 
onto my heart, the beat grows steady
brilliant, fresh and settling 

I've felt the deepest hurt this year
you're all that makes it disappear
and hopeful, beautiful, sincere 
you'll carry my soul into spring. 

You gave me hope

For years, it was you or no one

You kept me focused

Kept me from making mistakes

My first love

Six years later

I told you how I felt

You didn’t feel the same

We became best friends

It was okay

I was happy

I let you go.

You gave me your heart

Easily, quickly

You promised the world

Though you didn’t know how to give it

You were my first relationship

First kiss

First time I felt wanted

Four months later

It all fell apart

But we kept coming back

Peeling off each other’s scabs

Bleeding out

Til I moved away

You wanted me

And I didn’t want you back

That was a first for me

And it felt kind of good

So I tried to want you

Talking every night

But there were a lot of things

That closed my heart to you

I didn’t feel much

Two months later

You were the one to end it

It didn’t hurt

It felt like relief

When I hung up the phone

For the last time ever

You fucked me up

Used 

Lied

Manipulated

Hurt

I needed your approval

You gave me nothing but criticism

I was weak

You were weaker

A predator

Looking for a sick animal

One year later

When you were finished

You left without warning

I emptied out my lungs and heart

Never been so devastated

Never been so lucky to lose someone

I’m so happy every day

To be free from you

You were beautiful

In every sense of the word

Perfect for me

Like I never saw before

I couldn’t think straight

Couldn’t breathe

You made me more

Your smile

Your eyes

Your scent

Your hugs

I couldn’t believe I had a shot with you

But the timing was off

Way off

Eleven months later

You told me this

Held me as I cried

And I wish you had never

Let me go

You helped me heal

Kept all my secrets

Kept me from going crazy

Fought with me

Fought for me

Our friendship was amazing

I wondered if it could be more

But you would never make a move

Because I wasn’t good enough for you

(At least not according to them)

And ten months later

It burned up with a fury

When you took her instead 

You kept me from self-destruction

Saved me from myself

You were younger

You spoke of dreams

You thought you could heal me

You wanted to fix my broken heart

I stayed

I stayed for you

You promised to stay too

We drained each other

Far too much

And four years later

You left

Never looking back

And I don’t want you back

But I haven’t recovered

Because I was yours

And how can I just

Let go of a part of me

Five years later

You are back

Making me wonder

I have to try to contain it

The hope that I’m feeling

The pull, the glorious indecision

But if anyone was made for me

It is you

And I don’t know what could happen

But I don’t want to

I’ll let you make your choices

And fate take its course

And maybe in the end

Sometime, down the road

I’ll finally be

Completely yours.