Wings

October 23, 2009

Eyes withholding tears, staring bleakly into the sky

Seeing things I can’t attain no matter how I try

Wasn’t long ago these wings appeared upon my back

A promise of potential that’s now slipping through the cracks

Beckoning to me, the sky had opened up that day

Consuming every thought was this: that I could fly away

And so I climbed a balcony, my expectation high

Took a leap and spread my wings, assured that I would fly

But swiftly my wings crumpled and I came crashing down

My expectations crumbled, smashing me into the ground

Calling strength into my legs I stood, heavy and weak

Blood flowed into my eyes till pain was all that I could see

I turned and limped away, thinking to leave the hurt behind

But I could not escape the scars or longing in my mind

And worst of all, the maddening call I once had heard and loved

Streaming down like painful rain from dried up dreams above

I ducked into a cave, the one place I felt I could hide

And pulled a knife out of a place I once had tucked inside

Determining myself, I cut deeply into my wings

So alive and strong they were, I screamed against the sting

Scarlet pooled beneath me as I sank back off my feet

Exhausted by destruction, I stared myself to sleep

When I awoke, I crawled outside; the night was still and dark

Clouds had gathered, veiling from my face the moon and stars

Where the wings had been was now an ugly, gaping wound

The throbbing now began again; I had to end it soon

I sought a rocky precipice and climbed up to the top

My feet and fingers cracked against the hard and jagged rocks

Resting on the ledge I closed my eyes, began to sing

The sound broke through the clouds, as if the stars were listening

Responding to my lonely cry, light spilled onto the ground

As if now calling to let go, to let myself fall down

I raised my voice and sang a little braver to the air

And inside courage grew that I had never known was there

I flung open my arms, refusing to succumb to pain

And plunged into the night, unsure of what it would contain

I braced myself, but found within a moment I could fly

When I ceased trying to succeed and simply sought to die